.Unsure.

[DJ]

She was headed to the house. Up to her room. Her eyes small, squinting in the sunlight, she found her way easily up to her room. As she reached the carpet, her first thought popped into her mind. She had to find something. Any small metal piece. Sharp metal piece. Where IS it?! She continued madly searching drawers, under the bed, everywhere. I put it somewhere. She knew she had it. The only question was where.

The teenagers hand groped under her nightstand. Her fingers grew on a smooth, cool piece, taped to the underside of the wooden structure. Her fingers fumbled, trying to pull the razor down. It removed fairly easily, falling into her hand. Her arm shakily recoiled, back to her body, studying the piece.

Before the feeling became overwhelming, the sixteen-year-old forced herself to think. Her mind wasn’t very clear at this point, but she did her best. She knew better than to cut her wrists. It’d have been too noticeable. Long sleeve shirts weren’t common the the teen, especially in the summer. Even with the bracelets, her wrists showed at times. It just wouldn’t work. Inner thighs would work well. No one would ever see then. They’d have no reason to.

Her head shot up from her sitting position on the floor as she head footsteps on the stairs. She wiped a sweaty palm on her dark jeans, keeping the razor in her other hand. Safe and sound. She hung onto the bed, pulling herself up and sat on the white comforter, hiding the metal blade in her hand still.

[D E M O N //]

Not bothering to glance at Amber Daniel took off after Estee without a second thought. He knew something was wrong, he didn't know how he knew. He didn't know her all that well. But this was definitely hard for her. And he had to make sure that she didn't do anything that she would later regret, or anything rash for that matter.

He paused at the door knocking and calling out her name desperately. When he got no reply he hesitated. It seemed kind of odd barging into someone's house, but he couldn't leave her in there. Opening the door he walked inside, retracing the steps he had followed the night before.

"I saw that," he said crossing the room quickly and sliding to the floor next to her. Once again he snaked his arms around her holding her tight to his chest. Kissing the top of her head he tried to figure out what he should do. He knew what was on her mind, and he couldn't let her do it. After several minutes he said, "It's okay Estee, I'm here for you. She doesn't matter, just ignore her." he said in what he hoped was a comforting manner. Still he led her close to him.

[DJ]

It was a sigh of relief to see Daniel. Her mind was pounding, but being with him comforted her. The fact that he'd barged into her room made her happy that she cared for her. And it didn't make her uncomfortable in the least.

“I know,” she spoke quietly to Daniel in an unneeded whisper, leaning against him. The reply was to him being there for her; not for seeing the razor. She pretended not to hear that part. The female’s eyebrows rose in a sympathetic look. She kept the razor in her hand, not wanting to give it up. She’d need it. Only for a moment. Just to take her mind off of the cheek, still a bright red, pulsing with pain the same time as her heartbeat. She could always stop the bleeding of the cuts and she’d never been overly hurt before. This time would be okay too.

Without thinking, her hand tightened on the blade, the razor easily breaking the flesh of her palm without an effort. Estee’s hand compressed tighter, whimpering almost silently at the pain. The delicate, fine-tuned nerves woven into her palm, seeming one hundred times more sensitive than her wrists ever were, split open, torn by the blade. But her world seemed so much better. Her cheek was forgotten, the crying had stopped, and she wasn’t mad at the girl anymore.

Her hand opened slowly, painfully. The thick scarlet liquid had distributed, covering her whole hand as though shoved into red paint. But it wasn’t paint. She extended her hand, allowing the overflowing blood from each side of the razor continue to flow. The excessive amount of the metallic liquid spilt over the brim of her hand, soaking into a large red smear on the white comforter.

She offered her hand to Daniel, quivering. If he wanted the razor now, he could have it. Estee wasn’t going to take it out with ease, so she let it stay in her palm, dreading the pain to come of pulling it out. It wasn't lodged deeply, but it certainly was still going to throb.

With the bloody palm still stretched in front of her away from Daniel being careful not to bleed on him, she twisted her other arm around the boy's waist, resting her head on him. How did this happen? Why in the world did she decide to slice a razor into her hand? Stupid, stupid Estee.

But at this point, life felt better. And her face lifted, kissing him gently. Life was good.

[D E M O N //]

At the sight of her blood his heart seemed to stop. The idea of the pain in her hand cause his own to start to throb. He should have acted sooner, taken it from her hand. Why had he waited, nothing good came from that, that much was obvious.

Daniel pulled away from the kiss getting to his feet and pulling Estee with him. He was worried about her. he knew that it wasn't a life threatening issue, but the sight of her blood was enough to send a shiver up and down her side. Shaking his head he took her weight have leading half pulling her to the bathroom.

Running the water he carefully removed the embedded blade. Very gently and smoothly to cause as little pain as possible. After this he placed her hand under the light stream of water cleaning off some of the blood.

Making himself a bit at home Daniel searched for some gauze int he medicine cabinet placing it on her hand and taping it in place with medical tape. Hope had a well stocked medicine cabinet. But with all the injuries that could come from horses, it made perfect sense to him, and right now, he was really glad.

Making sure the wound was properly bandaged Daniel wraped his arms around Estee. He could feel tears starting to form in his eyes. No, he couldn't, not now. He hadn't cried in to long. He had developed a habit ofbottling up his emotions, and he knew someday they were going to explode, and it would be someday soon. But not now, definitely not now. He couldn't. Estee needed him, and not in a useless wreck either.

Holding her tight to his chest he tried to wipe the tears from his eyes, but they didn't want to budge. "Estee...please...don't." he half begged holding her even tighter to his chest. How many times had he been in her shoes. More then he could count. He had his own scars to account for that. But the idea of anything causing Estee that amount of pain was all to troubling for him.

[DJ]

Allowing herself to be dragged into the bathroom, Estee willingly gave Daniel her hand under the water, biting her lip and holding the whine she refused to let escape. Everything throbbed, and yet it was only that tiny gash on her hand.

She lowered herself onto the cool seat of the closed toilet as he dressed her hand. Not that there was much else to do, but she sat there, blinking and watching intently. He worked quickly, but seemed very efficient.

As she was wrapped up in a tight grasp, she stood up, wrapping her arms around him, although it was some what emotionless, almost in a daze. She didn't understand. "Estee don't" what? I'm not doing anything. It's already been done. "What do you mean?" she murmured into his ear, right next to her lips.

But he seemed shaky; weak, and it caused her to bite her lip, wishing she hadn't asked anything, just stayed in the hug. She'd felt sublime before, but it was slowly fading. Heading back down to normal life. Her head under an incredible clarity currently.

If his trembling voice spoke, she wasn't sure she'd be able to stop herself from crying again. But it was said that crying with someone was better than crying alone. Her tongue ran over her front teeth, fighting the stinging eye feeling that seemed so common at this point. His body seemed to quiver and she pulled herself and him back to her room, down on the bed. If he fainted again for some reason, it'd be safer here.

The tears had already started as she lowered herself onto the bed, avoiding the large red smudge from her earlier decisions.

[D E M O N //]

Daniel felt himself being dragged back into her room, but he was in a bit of a daze in the moment. He sat down next to Estee more tears forming in his eyes. "Don't hurt yourself, Estee, please, I can't stand to see you in pain." This had happened when they first really met, when she fell off the stream. There had been more of it then would be expected considering they had only known each other for a couple days.

"I know how your feeling, I understand the release, trust me, I've been there." he said, he couldn't stop the tears now as the escaped his eyes. He wrapped his arms around her once more, this time for comfort himself instead of trying to comfort her. "but, please, promise me."

After a bit of a silence he reached out his hand a lock of hair off her cheek, "Do you need some ice for that?" he said leaning forward letting his lips meet hers before retracting to his position, unsure of if h had gone to far, and waited for an answer.

[DJ]

She stared at her hand the whole time he was talking. "I'll try," she couldn't look him at the face currently. The tears were too uncomfortable and she wasn't sure is he wanted her to see him cry. It was weird. She would try to stop the self harm. It didn't happen often and she was always trying to find alternative sources, but there were those times she just needed a fix. But she leaned into his hugs, seeming to comfort more if him than her. But she didn't really need comfort right now. But it was still amazing.

"Uh. No." She blinked it off, not sure what else to say, but a wave of feeling swept over her. A dizzy feeling sort of came around her, with the past crying and not eating, her head hurt. She was tired from lack of sleep. Hungry from not eating. And she assumed her hand hurt, but when she thought about it, it didn't feel like anything. Just numb.

As he kissed her again, she closed her eyes, wrapping one hand around his back. Estee treated her injured hand like a broken wrist. it just laid on her lap helplessly as it tingled from lack of movement. But it didn't need to be moved.

It was weird how they only met a few days ago and yet, he was her new best friend. It didn't take long which surprised her. "Hey, are you hungry?" she asked, trying to change the subject from her hand. And Daniel was still walking around with a low blood pressure. You'd better not do that again, she thought to herself, having to smile.

[D E M O N //]

As she hugged him back Daniel felt more comforted then he ever thought imaginable by another person. But somehow, he found comfort in just being here with her somehow just made him feel better about everything. He didn't know how she did it. And frankly he didn't care how, just that she did.

As she mentioned food he realized that he was actually still feeling kind of faint and that that might just be a good idea. He wasn't reall hungry, but he didn't want to pass out on her again. Besides, the crying didn't really help.

Getting to his feet Daniel reached out a hand to help Estee get to hers. Okay, so he was probably being over protective. But come on, you couldn't really blame him. He was making up for seventeen years of lost friends. "Yeah, you could say that,"

[DJ]

Fingers interlaced as she pulled herself up with her good hand in his, deciding not to let go once she was on her feet. She traveled down with him to the kitchen, flipping through cabinets, drawers, and the fridge.

She had no idea what she wanted, but knew one thing she thought would be good was some tea. The pot was already full so she let it sit, continuing to search though places as she waited for it to whistle. As she saw the deli meat in the fridge, her stomach cringed. Although she usually didn't eat meat, it looked extremely unappetizing at this point, and she moved it aside, not wanting to look at it anymore.

She still couldn't figure out what she wanted. Why was this so hard to decide? Any food should have worked, but she really didn't seem in the mood for anything Hope had. Maybe she'd just wait til dinner...

Her head shot up and she swore out loud without thinking. Her smiled faded and shoulders dropped. "I still need to work Glow today." She blinked, trying to figure out how she'd manage to hold the reins with a bandaged hand. Stupid, stupid Estee.

[D E M O N //]

Daniel followed Estee down to the kitchen and watched he put a pot on the stove and look through the kitchen. He figured it was for something that she wanted to eat. He stood back and watched her, not really caring. Being a vegetarian, there wasn't always a wide variety of food for an option, and would now eat pretty much anything. He had even eaten some Hay once or twice.

At her words Daniel facepalmed himself. "Thanks for reminding me, I almost forgot about my young thoroughbred stallion there for a minute." He wasn't totally feeling up for a ride at the moment. But he would just have to suck it up and deal. It wasn't that bad, he's ridden with worse, and ust because he fainted he couldn't neglect his beautiful horse.

[DJ]

"Help yourself," she offered, motioning to the cabinets and fridge. Maybe whatever he was eating would suggest her into having something. Because she really should be eating. But nothing looked good.

"Sure," she replied about reminding Daniel. But after thinking about a moment of riding today, she had to ask. "You're not riding today," she rose an eyebrow, "are you?" The last thing that would have been good for him was to mount the back of his feisty, young stallion.

Sure he looked like he was about to eat something, thus fixing the low blood sugar, but if it was from not enough sleep, he still hadn't slept. All of the possibilities ran through Estee's mind; he could be perfectly fine, or faint on the horse, or faint next to the horse, and after trying to think, Estee couldn't figure out how Dose would act. She certainly hadn't known him long enough.

Brown eyes glanced back down to her hand again as she had her own dilemma to figure out. Oh boy...

[D E M O N //]

As she spoke Daniel felt kind of awkward for a moment. But, his stomach led him to do as she said and opening the cabinets. Pulling out a slice of bread and some peanut butter he got the sandwich ready before looking through the cabinet once more. Finally he found what he was looking for. Many people would think he was crazy for this, but it tasted god. He trickled some honey over his sandwhich before folding it in half. Putting everything back he began to eat his foldy.

"What do you mean? I have to." he said defensively. He rode every day, and had been for years. If he didn't not only would Dose throw a tantrum, he would feel lost and confused. It was an addiction, he couldn't just stay out of the saddle. He just couldn't, no way. Not in a million years. It was who he was, and he couldn't change that.

[DJ]

Barely noticing the awkward decision for his lunch, the female finalized her decision of not eating. She'd most likely be less picky at dinner.

The teenager was a bit taken aback with the boy's defensive tone. "Daniel, you're not riding." Estee tried to state her point clearly, attempting to sound confident without sounding defensive, but as the words came out of her mouth, she didn't think the attempt worked.

It'd be way too much of a risk having Daniel mount Dose; even working with Dose on a lunge line wouldn't be the safest thing to do. Anything could get him hurt. Estee bit her lip, trying to figure out how to keep Daniel off of Dose, yet still have him worked for the day.

[D E M O N //]

"I can't neglect my horse just because I happened to faint." he said just as defensive. He didn't mean for it to sound like that, it just kind of did. He did not want to get into this with Estee. They did not need a fights. Fights were awful. He got into them all the time with his father, and now he refused to mention his name. He certainly didn't want that to happen with Estee.

"Besides, I'm fine." he said trying to convince her of that. He really was feeling much better. Maybe not a hundred percent, but he'd take it easy. He took another bite of is little half a sandwich and waited for her reply.

[DJ]

The sixteen-year-old's lower jaw jutted out in frustration. A left eyebrow rose in disbelief to the 'I'm fine'. She certainly wasn't convinced. At that moment, the tea kettle screeched, white steam billowing from the tiny hole in the spout. Estee strode over to the stove, flicking the knob, quieting the whistling. At this point, she wasn't even in the mood for tea.

She traveled back to the table, sitting across from Daniel, still avoiding eye contact by chipping off the black polish on her thumbnail. The fighting was getting them no where and Estee recognized that. Her face softened, blinking slowly and sighing. She had to find another way.

Her uninjured hand crawled across the table back into the boy's empty hand. Her fingers wrapped around his, giving a slight squeeze and looking up. To revealed, worried brown eyes searched his face, then moved to the other pair of brown eyes.

She broke the silence she'd created. "What if," she paused, "I work Dose. Free lunge him for you today. Then we can ride again tomorrow," She bit her lip, messing up. "Er. The day after tomorrow. I was going to do something special with Glow tomorrow." That didn't mean she wasn't riding tomorrow, but her whole day was taken up just for Glow.

It was a good enough suggestion. Estee could surely manage chasing the loose stallion around an arena with a lunge whip in her good hand. It got the equine worked and kept Daniel still ; perfect.

She'd most likely do the same with Glow. It's not like she could hold reins or a lunge line.